Low hanging fruit: “Lol,” “I don’t care,” etc.
Higher-order stuff I call out directly: “I know you don’t actually give a shit about [x y z],” “You’re trying to gaslight,” etc.
allthetimesivedied
joined 11 months ago
So yesterday I saw a ghost (not literally, of course): not my ex-friend, the one I’ll always remember, the one I was posting about a lot. Not them, but their on and off roommate of 7 years, their de facto best friend who I referred to in private as their “platonic boyfriend.” The one I said I was so jealous of.
I was at the park. He came up and said hi (which is maybe a bit unusual because of how extremely shy he is—he used more words in that moment than I’ve heard him say the entire time I’ve known him).
It was like all the shit with our (formerly) mutual friend had never happened. It’s entirely possible he has absolutely no idea. They said they hadn’t told him about any of it, when I asked just before the three of us went to Radical Pride, but that was a year ago.
He had recently moved out, into an apartment. It’s probable they still aren’t roommates.
I feel like him and I would get along really well under other circumstances. But with things as they were, I mumbled “Hi” or something, turned away to watch for the bus, realized he might also have been waiting for the bus, then ran away.
There was just no winning move there except to not play.
What’s kind of funny about this is, they have been creeping back into my life recently—reaching out to my friend, ostensibly about business-related matters. Him and I were fighting when shit went down with them, so I wonder if they know/remember the connection there.
Something something True Detective something something Carcosa.
Basically everyone did in the Bronze Age.
I was dogpiled and called a rape apologist on Twitter just because I asked for an explanation of the allegations against PSL.
Ever since I was a kid, it’s never been about wanting to be a woman so much as not wanting to be a man.
IT’S REAL IT’S REAL IT’S FUCKING REAL
This has been my whole life—making friends and then realizing that they annoy me and don’t interest me very much at all. I usually just drift away and eventually unfriend or whatever, more proactively if they’re really annoying.
And then the one person I’ve ever really liked a lot got tired of me and won’t talk to me anymore: maybe karma is real.
If it’s something that pisses me off, like my phone falling out of my breast pocket, “GOD FUCKING DAMN IT.” Every single time—really sped up and nasally if it’s something that’s just irritating, and when it’s something really bad, the “damn it” is usually screamed.
If it’s something like, say, taking a long drag off my vape and then finding out it’s dead, or seeing the bus go by *as I’m standing at the bus stop, I’ll always say “Oh fuck off.”
Creamsicle is really worried about me.
[Faint, off in the distance] “I DREW A PICTURE OF A WHALE!”
I’m sorry I keep asking all frantic and shit like this, I’m sorry I do it on an almost daily basis. I feel like that’s all I do—beg for money and doom scroll. I used to have a personality not long ago.
Tbh I wish assisted you-know were an option for this kinda thing. I have zero quality of life anymore and no hope for it to get better.
CashApp and Venmo are allthetimesivedied.
And it’s not for drugs, nor am I spending it on stupid shit.
The judge started laughing so hard she collapsed and had to be rushed to the hospital when Creamsicle replied to “How does the defendant plead?” by yelling “I don’t know!”
He thinks he’s getting “the fighter squad” for killing a judge, so I got him a pizza from 7-Eleven. He immediately goes back to freaking the fuck out the instant it leaves his field of vision. He literally will shift gears mid sentence. I know he understands object permanence but ???.
1
[FUNDED I GUESS] $30 so I can get a burrito and some drinkies and a FUCKING GOD DAMN IPHONE CABLE
(hexbear.net)
Here’s Creamsicle drinking water! He was very brave.
Most likely “drinkies” means a thing of instant kool aid. I fucking love that shit.
CashApp/Venmo—same as my username.
Will update when funded.
Creamsicle got some mechanical pencils!
Anyways…
There’s two big-ticket items that need replaced, though they’re not urgently needed given the weather (which is breaking 100° F today and tomorrow): my leather jacket & sleeping bag.
I’d love to be able to order a bivy sack as well, in preparation for the literal monsoon season we have up here.
Mostly Creamsicle and I just need to buy dinner, and cold drinkies.
CashApp/Venmo are the same as my @. DM me if you want to send via PayPal, since it’s my friend’s and has their legal name on it.
Also fwiw I’ve been (mostly) sober the last four days.
It doesn’t seem like that’s possible anymore, even with a trusted mature adult (who’s also a Chapo OG) lined up to hold the bag for me.
But Creamsicle is safe and that’s cool.
”Yay!”
I spent 17 fucking dollars on a really good Belkin cable. That’s gone. All my good wall boxes were taken by that piece of shit old man who threw away my things—my very last one was taken the other day along with the cord.
I also lost a pair of headphones, a laptop, three portable chargers, a JBL speaker, and a bunch of fucking tools, and a torch lighter that looks like a gun, and a cool knife, but I need the charger and box.
I’m tired of this shit.
CashApp and Venmo are the same as my username. DM me for my friend’s PayPal handle.
Thanks.
Fucking HELL I need to charge my headphones.