Those are all normal apprehensions, I'm on the other side of the binary but feelings are similar. Just because they're typical concerns doesn't mean they shouldn't feel big - they should and do - but you're hardly the first and only man to feel the way you do. Which means you can overcome these even though they are very big problems and anxieties.

Firstly, for me and many trans people, HRT was the best decision of our lives. T is different than E, it works much faster and does different stuff but the feeling is still there.

Secondly, IF YOU CHOOSE you can keep your curves. There are curvy cis guys, they're hot, there are trans guys that choose to keep them and they're very handsome. You don't have to, top surgery can take down your chest (and you get to customize if you have nipples or not which is neat).

Considering the abuse you've been through, you probably should be going to therapy - that's a lot of trauma. You're very strong for how far you've come. Yeah everything takes time, but you can take diy HRT prior to getting a prescription for it. If there are any IRL lgbt support groups you should join them (careful, you'll probably come away with a new romantic partner from it lol happens to all of us). Hopefully there's another trans guy there who can help guide you, especially if you're going down the diy route.

To me, I think it's totally a cool coincidence that the feminizing hormones are gentle and take their time and the masculinizing hormone goes hard and quick but it kinda sucks here for you. You can stop any time, it's allowed. You can stop and pick it back up. You can choose not to start HRT! That's a valid way of being a trans man (sounds like you'd rather have it though).

You sound like a very strong, tough man and I wish the best for you.