I think the Misskey instance would be cool.
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I personally lean more towards Misskey because I find it dead simple to maintain. Kbin/Mbin has a lot of moving parts to it.
I dont know what can I suggest, but I have a question and please not taking as an offesinve one, but as a result of someone who is really amazed. How the hell did you find those activitypub implemented platforms? Personally, if I did not searched for alternatives for twitter, reddit I could not even think there are decentralised platforms like mastodon and lemmy in the first place. Any chanches to link the burggit account with shota.house,to accelerate the aprovement process? Why the shota.house requires manual aprovement,since it has the same mission as burggit? Is it using the same infrastructure as mastodon,I mean it is a mastodon but with a completely different UI? Only asking technical thing from pure curiosity, to understand how things could be costumized and set up.
Shota house is invite only because while it has a similar mission, it's more so my cozy space. It's existed for a while before Burggit and has always been on an approval only basis, this is to make moderation easier on me and also protect myself from bad actors and what not.
While i'd love to connect burggit and shota house in a way which would automatically let people join shota house. If they have had a burggit account for over a certain amount of time and have a certain amount of posts/activity. I'm frankly not technically minded enough to do such a thing. So the process will remain manual.
As for how I find these various services, there are a ton of various ways to find federated services such as https://fediverse.party/ which is where I first discovered various federated technologies. But I know others exist.
Shota House and Mastodon are both based on Activitypub. Shota House uses something called Akkoma which is a fork of Pleroma which itself is meant to be a super lightweight version of Mastodon, since Mastodon is legendarily bloated and hard to setup/maintain.
Hope this answers your questions.
Fully answered