this post was submitted on 25 Aug 2024
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[–] lvxferre@mander.xyz 63 points 1 month ago (4 children)

I'm going to be a lich.

I get the keep my mind and memories, so I'm not some dumb zombie going babbling "brrrrlll" here and there, seeking brains. I'm fairly powerful so I can pull out my own weight, enough to become the necromancer's right arm. And if it comes to the worst I can always backstab the necromancer and become the boss, as typically lichs have their own necromancy.

[–] Zonetrooper@lemmy.world 20 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Objectively the best answer. Plus, as long as you hide your phylactery well, there's not much the necromancer can do to keep you in line.

[–] lvxferre@mander.xyz 14 points 1 month ago

I'd expect my phylactery to be with the necromancer at the start, for exactly this reason. So I think that a lot of my job in my first days [years?] as an undead is to get their trust so I can: replace my phylactery with a copy, hide the original, and proclaim my independence.

[–] DScratch@sh.itjust.works 13 points 1 month ago (3 children)

You know you have to feed a soul to your phylactery like every few days. Who’s gonna get got?

[–] lvxferre@mander.xyz 9 points 1 month ago (2 children)
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[–] holgersson@lemm.ee 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Do souls have sizes, like "you need at least the soul of a medium sized dog or pig"?

Because if every soul is worth equally much, just set an anthill on fire and be done for the foreseeable future.

Of course, as your next course of action, you should make up for the damage done to your local eco system, but that should be doable within the powers and lifespan of a lich.

[–] JackFrostNCola@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

This EcoLich build definitely sounds like the way to go.

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[–] thelsim@sh.itjust.works 51 points 1 month ago (5 children)

A vampire. Since it’s a necromancer raising me, instead of another vampire, I won’t be enthralled and will have free will.
Then there’s all the wonderful abilities and the fact that I’ll still look good for an undead (it’s a pretty movie vampire, not one of those creepy ones)

[–] OceanSoap@lemmy.ml 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)
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[–] tiefling@lemmy.blahaj.zone 37 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Wasn't that how Mitch McConnell was born?

[–] radix@lemmy.world 23 points 1 month ago (1 children)

He's more of a turtle golem.

[–] Rocketpoweredgorilla@lemmy.ca 10 points 1 month ago

He's a master of disguise

[–] Caligvla@lemmy.dbzer0.com 37 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] ripcord@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That appears to send shivers down my spine.

[–] Caligvla@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] ripcord@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

That has made me shake and shudder in surprise.

[–] Duke_Nukem_1990@feddit.org 29 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Whatever type Jesus was. Folks seem to like that kind of undead.

[–] davidgro@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

Undead Deity is in fact a great answer to the question.

[–] Canopyflyer@lemmy.world 27 points 1 month ago (3 children)
[–] Nibodhika@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

Agrajag, is that you?

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[–] emax_gomax@lemmy.world 19 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

So any animal is fair game? In which case, dodo. You MFs ate us into oblivion, I'm gonna come back with species worth of pent up rage and an undead thirst for blood.

Edit: in retrospect I now realise a dodo would be super easy to send back to the underworld :-(. I'm gonna be... checks deadliest thing notes, a car.

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[–] savvywolf@pawb.social 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I know it's probably too on brand, but maybe some kind of monstrous wolf hell beast thing. Maybe with a skull as a head and dripping flesh.

If I'm going to be a mindless killing machine, may as well have some fun with it. Better than being a slow shambling skeleton or zombie at any rate.

[–] spittingimage@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)
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[–] Brkdncr@lemmy.world 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] grillgamesh0028@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

"oh no, not again"

[–] Roflmasterbigpimp@lemmy.world 15 points 1 month ago

Lich would be fun

[–] BattleGrown@lemmy.world 12 points 1 month ago

I'll be that guy, and say abomination. The more twisted the better. Like a mouth in my belly, extra arm on my back kind of twisted. I'll learn to enjoy striking terror in my victims' hearts. Afterlife will be dope.

[–] collapse_already@lemmy.ml 12 points 1 month ago

Lich. The power that other famous examples like Darth Cheney and Henry Kissinger had is just too tempting.

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 11 points 1 month ago

Ghostflame Dragon.

[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Jesus, for sure. Not that he came back.

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[–] pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 1 month ago

Something non-sentient please, I was enjoying nonexistence

[–] ArtVandelay@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

If I'm an undead undead, do I get to live?

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[–] zxqwas@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago

If you disregard supernatural powers of undead, it's different depending on who you ask anyway, I'd go with a skeleton.

[–] spittingimage@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago

I'm pretty lazy, so... spectre. Having no body to haul around will make things easier.

[–] explodicle@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 month ago
[–] Vanth@reddthat.com 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

A capybara in a remote location that won't see human development within my new lifetime. Just chillin' with my interspecies homies.

[–] weirdbeardgame@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Wasn't talking animals. I meant what type of undead would you come back as. xD

[–] Vanth@reddthat.com 7 points 1 month ago

An undead capybara in a remote location that won't see human development within my new lifetime. Just chillin' with my interspecies undead homies.

[–] tal 6 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

@Vanth@reddthat.com: E.g. zombie capybara, vampiric capybara, spectral capybara, skeletal capybara, etc.

[–] Eiri@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

Ghost. Flying, intangibility, spooky telekinesis ... Sounds great.

[–] Etterra@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

Wraith, so that I can go through walls, carry a big-ass scythe, and upgrade from generating Fear to generating Terror, so I can exploit that juicy morale penalty even if the enemy unit is immune to Fear.

[–] mozz@mbin.grits.dev 6 points 1 month ago (2 children)

The painkiller thing where you can tear off your head and throw it at someone and then still control it well enough to bite them

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[–] weirdbeardgame@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

I'd come back as a wraith, preferably shadow of mordor / war style with domination powers.

Otherwise, a lich assuming I could have lich magic and evolve

[–] jpreston2005@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

I'd go as more-or-less human ala the movie Warm Bodies. Just because I'm dead doesn't mean I can't have a nice romantic fling!

[–] HipsterTenZero@dormi.zone 5 points 1 month ago

Darksign'd undead. Sure I'll hollow out eventually, but for now lets do some jolly co-operation.

[–] Banichan@dormi.zone 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

What is this? Some kind of druid / necromancer dual class?

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